Toxic masculinity: How complicated does it get?

 Khadeejah Osman Bucha

“But what are real men?” - Julia Fox

When questioned what a real man is, actor Marlon Wayans was interrupted by his co-star, Julia Fox. Not once, not twice, but three times! Fox argued that a real man is what men are, and the concept of real men was made to excuse bad behavior. While many crowned her as an icon, others conversely criticized her for “white feminism”.

However, I am not here today to talk about feminism. Rather, I would like to peer into notions of masculinity, especially toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity is a widespread phenomenon referring to harmful ideas on how men should behave.

Our understanding of toxic masculinity often remains shallow because we don’t consider additional factors of an individual's identity. Intersectionality refers to a notion that acknowledges people's layered identities and how said layers tend to intersect, creating unique and complex challenges for each individual.

Digging deeper…

A white woman's perspective on masculinity can prove to be insightful, but when compared to the insight that Wayans could have provided, it appears lacking. This is because Marlon Wayans is father to a trans black man. Thus, his perception on what real men are comes from an intersection of identities that Julia Fox can not understand. Similarly, white, cis, and/or neurotypical stories tend to dominate the representation of male and female struggles in media. In reality, however, the majority of the world does not fall into this category. If this is the only approach to discussing toxic masculinity, the result is static and ineffective.

Today, toxic masculinity has become easier to spot, and safer to call out. However, the normalization of this term on social media has led to overuse and oversimplification of a complicated topic. For example, it's a fickle thing to lump men of color with white men. It ignores a painful history of oppression and the fact that there are aspects of society built to work against them. As Juraev comments, “Masculinity cannot be studied in isolation from race, class, religion, and other identity markers.” (Zuhriddin Juraev).

Hate inwards, outwards.

Considering that the core of toxic masculinity comes from a sense of power and entitlement, it checks out that the feeling of being emasculated by society causes a display of toxicity. This toxicity is not necessarily directed outwards.

A physical disability that requires you to rely on other people, for example, can feel incredibly emasculating. In this case, frustration is a direct result of living in a world designed to work against you. This can lead to self isolation and depression. Another example is the intersection of the male and queer identity. Obsession with masculinity causes a defensiveness and harshness in terms of one's own and others’ sexuality, which stems from a place of insecurity. Queer men may struggle with self hatred and denial towards their identity due to this.

This makes clear the flaws in refusing to recognize the impact of intersectionality in terms of (toxic) masculinity. Studying intersectionality can lead to better representation and increased impact around the world, and by creating media like Moonlight, Atypical, Pose, etc. we create tools to deepen our understanding of ourselves as well as each other.

“The more you know yourself, the more you can govern yourself. The more you live your truth, the happier your existence.” - Marlon Wayans